Summer is here in the US!
For 12 years, I worked as a high school teacher. It has, unbelievably, been 10 years since then, but the habits and lessons still stick with me. There was a period of time each spring (alright, let’s be honest, it probably started around January), where my answer to absolutely everything was:
“I’ll do that in the summer when I have more time.”
What do you think happened in this story? Did I actually have more time?
Nope.
In my case, we had two kids with many summer activities. We traveled, spent time with extended family, and did all the things. Now that my kids are grown, it would probably be very different to have a summer off, but the lesson remains exactly the same.
Most of us have a habit of putting things off because we think there will be a future, easier, calmer, somehow less full time in our lives. It will be a magical season during which we can finally tackle all the things we want to get to but just can’t right now.
- I’ll start that project in ___ when I have more time.
- I’ll grow my business when…
- I’ll start cooking more and eating healthier when…
Have you done this? I would bet that we all have at one point or another.
There are a few core reasons why we lean towards this idea that some mysterious future time will be better. Let’s break them down.
1. We don’t really want to do the thing.
This is also known as procrastination. We put a task off for now and leave it for the future version of ourselves to deal with. We convince ourselves that maybe our future self will suddenly feel differently and really want to clean out all the closets. Maybe that future version will suddenly lose all inhibitions about promoting their business and will become a marketing extraordinaire.
It could happen… but it has never happened to me.
If this is your reason for putting things off, I would encourage you to allow yourself to just NOT do the things you don’t want to do. (Of course, if it’s something related to your health and well-being or that of your family, this reasoning may not apply.)
You are in midlife. You have earned the right to decide what you want to do and what you don’t want to do—and truthfully, that wasn’t really a right you needed to “earn” anyway.
If your closets never ever get cleaned out, maybe it will be okay.
2. We are feeling overwhelmed right now.
If the project or task you’re putting off doesn’t fall into the first category, maybe your brain, your nervous system, and your calendar are simply full at the moment. That’s fair!
The danger here is that we assume our calendars will magically be empty next month, next week, next year, or next summer. They won’t. You will always fill the time you have (and that’s a good thing!).
What we really need in this situation is to learn how to calm our nervous systems so that we can reset, think creatively, and problem-solve. Your brain does its best thinking and idea-forming when your parasympathetic nervous system is in charge (the “rest and digest” state). Once you get there, you might actually come up with a workable, realistic idea about when you will actually do this thing!
Here are three powerful tools for calming your body and nervous system:
- Get Outside: This could be going for a walk, forest bathing (walking in the woods), spending time with friends outdoors, or simply sitting on your porch.
- Breathwork: Try taking slow breaths in for four counts, and slow breaths out for four counts. Make sure your diaphragm is moving in and out to get the full grounding effect. (Listen to my podcast episode on breathwork here.)
- EFT Tapping: By tapping on acupressure points, we allow emotional and stress energy to move through our bodies and process. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel. (Listen to my podcast episode on tapping here.)
- Find expert help when you need it. Asking for help is a power skill. Take a look at the Midlife Recharge as an option for you.
What’s your next step?
Try a few of these options and see what you like best. The most important thing is to simply catch yourself the next time you say some version of, “I’ll do that when the summer gets here and I have more time.” Take a pause, look at the task, and figure out which of these two categories the item falls into. Remember: You get to decide!
I’d love to hear from you: What do you do to calm your nervous system? Drop a comment below and share your favorite strategies—there are so many great ways to find calm!