If you are finding yourself right in the middle of the “sandwich generation,” taking care of older parents while watching your children become adults, you are not alone. Watching both generations change around you brings a pretty big shift in perspective. Let’s talk about navigating the emotions and stresses of this season.
The Empty Nest
When your kids leave home, it is completely normal to feel a complex mix of pride and sadness. You might find yourself cheering them on as they follow their dreams, while also grieving the day-to-day relationship you shared under the same roof.
Here are a few ways to process the empty nest transition:
- Feel the feelings: Allow yourself to go through the grieving process of them leaving home. It is perfectly normal to feel the sadness of an empty house alongside the excitement for their future.
- Stop the comparison game: Avoid comparing your family’s situation with others, as you never know what is happening behind the scenes. If your kids move far away, you might feel jealous of friends whose kids move back home, or maybe vice versa! 🙂 Remember that what you probably want most is for them to be happy and fulfilled wherever they end up.
- Learn their adult love language: Discover how your adult children prefer to receive love in this new phase of life. Pay attention to whether they value encouraging texts, quality time, acts of service, or small gifts, and adapt your communication accordingly.
- Let them fly: Give your kids the freedom to be completely themselves without pushing your own agenda. (I’m learning this one the hard way!) Appreciate the diverse gifts and perspectives they bring to the family.
- Listen in to episode 59 of Mind Your Midlife for more.
Connecting with Aging Parents
On the flip side of the sandwich, our parents are getting older. I know firsthand how hard it is when a loved one goes through a serious health issue and their whole life changes.Â
So, what can we do to help our parents and to make sure we value the time we have with them? Here are a few ideas:
- Ask open-ended questions:Â Instead of asking simple yes-or-no questions, ask things like, “Tell me about when you were in high school,” or “What was your favorite movie when you were a kid?” Gathering fun and nostalgic info and stories is a way of connecting at any age.
 - Offer choices to preserve their autonomy and dignity. As aging parents lose some of their independence, it can be an incredibly frustrating and vulnerable experience for them. According to AARP, one of the best ways to support them is to find everyday ways to give them back a sense of control. Instead of making decisions for them, focus on offering choices—even small ones. Ask whether they’d prefer to wear the blue sweater or the gray one, what they’d like for dinner, or which game they’d like to play.Â
- Share the load and prioritize your own self-care. The National Institute on Aging (NIH) emphasizes that you cannot pour from an empty cup. We often try to shoulder the entire caregiving burden alone, which quickly leads to burnout. The NIH recommends practicing the art of asking for help. Start small: let a neighbor pick up a few groceries, ask a sibling to handle the financial paperwork, or hire a home health aide for just a few hours a week so you can take a walk, read a book, or just take a nap. You don’t have to do it all yourself.
Embracing this midlife phase means making peace with changing family dynamics. By shifting how you communicate with both your kids and your parents, you can build deeper, more authentic relationships with both generations. Try some small steps in that direction.
And if you’re feeling like you need some support, take a look at the Midlife Recharge.