We talk a lot about money in terms of budgets, spreadsheets, and retirement accounts. Yet, there is a silent partner in all your financial decisions. This partner doesn’t show up on a bank statement; it’s your money mindset and the stories you carry.
Whether we realize it or not, these internal scripts are running the show. For many of us, those scripts were written decades ago, fueled by phrases we heard at the dinner table:
- “Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
- “Rich people are greedy.”
- “You have to work yourself to the bone to earn more.”
Your childhood could have been quieter on the subject of money. Even so, you might still carry a sense of scarcity. It’s the feeling that money is stressful, or simply “not for people like us.” If that resonates with you, you aren’t alone.
Why Money Stories Surface in Midlife
In midlife, many women hit a strange plateau. You’ve had success; you’ve built a career, a family, and a life. But suddenly, the momentum stalls. Income feels stuck. Saving for retirement feels slower than you anticipated.
While we often blame external circumstances like the economy or the market, the culprit is often internal. It is the hidden belief about what is “okay” for us to have.
Your brain isn’t broken; it’s just overprotective. If you subconsciously believe that “good people don’t want too much,” your brain will sabotage your growth. It does this to keep you safe and to stay consistent with your old identity. Your brain looks at the next level of success and says, “We don’t do that here.”
Money is a Mirror, Not a Moral Compass
It is vital to remember this: Money isn’t moral. It isn’t a personality test. At its core, money is simply a means of exchange.
Value goes out → Money comes back.
When we load money with shame or fear, it becomes “heavy.” That heavy energy doesn’t foster creativity or growth; it makes us tense, stuck, and small.
Deepening the Connection: Money and Self-Worth
In my latest podcast episode, I took this conversation a step further. We explored how our money mindset is inextricably linked to our self-worth. Often, we stop ourselves from earning more. We don’t charge what we’re worth. This happens because we haven’t yet reconciled our value with our bank account.
If you feel like you’re “worth” less than what you’re asking for, you’ll find a way to push that money away. Denise Duffield-Thomas and I dive deep into how to untangle these two in the episode below.
A Tool to Shift the Narrative
If you’re ready to loosen the grip of an old money mindset, consider using a tool from Byron Katie. It is called “The Work.” Pick one belief—like “I have to work harder to make more”—and ask yourself these four questions:
- Is it true?
- Can I absolutely know it’s true? (Could you prove it in court, or is it an old interpretation?)
- How do I react when I believe that thought? (Notice your body, your mood, and your choices. Do you freeze? Do you stay “safe” instead of stretching?)
- Who would I be without that thought? (What opens up? What feels lighter?)
Start Your Rewrite
We all have stories that create our money mindset. Those stories either attract money or repel it. When you notice them and question them, your whole relationship with wealth begins to shift.
Be patient with yourself. These stories were built over decades; the win today is simply seeing one. Once you see it, you are no longer stuck inside it.
Ready to go deeper?
- Download: Grab my free Story Cycle resource to help you map the exact thought → emotion → action cycle we discussed here.
- Connect: If a money story comes up that surprises you, I’d love to hear about it. Send me a DM on Instagram @cherylpfischer.