The Power of Self Talk
So many of us think being hard on ourselves is the key to success. We believe that if we stop pushing, we’ll stop trying.
In midlife, with all the changes and pressures we’re juggling, this mindset can feel even more intense. But what if being tough on yourself is actually doing more harm than good?
“With self-criticism, we are both the attacker and the attacked. It’s like slapping ourselves when we fall down, thinking that will help us stand up faster.”
Dr. Kristin Neff
It sounds harsh, but it’s true. Constant self-criticism triggers stress in our body. It kicks off our fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. That stress shuts down our ability to think clearly, solve problems, or be creative—the very things we need to move forward in life.
Here’s a visual that might help:
Picture yourself pulling a wagon. Each critical thought is a heavy rock tossed in the back. Before long, you’re dragging a wagon so full of judgment and self-doubt that you can barely move.
But here’s the good news: there’s another way.
Self-compassion isn’t giving up. It’s giving yourself the support you need to grow.
It means talking to yourself like you’d talk to a friend. With kindness. With patience. With understanding. It’s not about ignoring your struggles—it’s about meeting them without beating yourself up.
Midlife throws a lot at us—career shifts, aging bodies, family changes, big life questions. We need all the energy, creativity, and resilience we can get. Self-criticism drains those resources. Self-compassion refills them.
Mind Your Midlife episode 35 gives you the tools to be kinder to yourself. Comment and tell me what you’ve tried! Listen below:
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