Lately, I’ve been catching myself deep in thought—staring off, flipping through old photos, or getting lost in memories from “back in the day.” Sound familiar?
Midlife is funny like that. We’ve lived a lot of life—decades of decisions, relationships, wins, mistakes, and what-the-heck-was-I-thinking moments. All of that adds up. And the way we look back on those memories? It can seriously shape how we feel right now.
Here’s what I’ve noticed: there’s this sneaky little game our brains play—what I call the memory seesaw. On one end, there’s sweet, cozy nostalgia. On the other, there’s gut-punching regret. And if I’m not careful, I find myself teetering into the regret side more often than I’d like.
The truth is, our brains love to zero in on the negative. It’s how we’re wired—thanks, evolution. It helped our ancestors stay alive, but now it just makes us cringe over things that happened in 1997. We replay embarrassing moments, second-guess choices, and somehow forget all the great stuff we’ve done.
So how do we shift gears? I’ve got a couple of tricks that are actually working for me—and I talk about them more in Episode 25 of Mind Your Midlife, so definitely check that out too!
Trick #1: Reframe the Regret
When I catch myself spiraling with a “why did I do that?” memory, I try flipping it. Instead, I ask, What good came from that? or How far have I come since then? It’s wild how quickly the whole vibe changes. Suddenly, a regret becomes a reminder of growth.
Trick #2: Write a Thank-You Note (to Yourself)
Yep, I’m serious. Try writing a thank-you letter to your younger self. Even just in your head. Instead of being mad at her for what she didn’t know, thank her for surviving, for showing up, for learning. She was doing her best. That shift in tone? Super powerful.
When I started doing this, I stopped feeling embarrassed about old mistakes and started feeling proud of how far I’ve come. That younger me? She was scrappy, and she got me here.
Remember This
Midlife gives us a cool perspective—we can look back and look ahead. And how we treat our memories matters. We can use them as building blocks or as weapons against ourselves.
I say let’s go with kindness. Let’s laugh a little more at the mess-ups, celebrate the small wins we forgot about, and appreciate the journey for what it is: imperfect, real, and totally ours.
Feeling stuck in memory land? Give episode 25 of Mind Your Midlife a listen. I dive deeper into this whole nostalgia-vs-regret thing and share more about how I’m learning to see my past in a whole new way.
Let’s make peace with the past so we can enjoy the now.