Have you ever apologized to a piece of furniture?
You bump into a chair and instinctively say, “Oh, sorry!”—as if the chair has feelings. It’s a silly example, but it highlights something many midlife women do without thinking: over-apologizing.
If you’ve ever started a sentence with “Sorry, but…” or apologized for asking a question, it’s time to ask yourself—what exactly are you apologizing for? And more importantly, how is this habit affecting your confidence, your career, and the way people perceive you?
Why Do Women Say ‘Sorry’ More?
Research from the University of Waterloo found that women apologize more frequently than men—not because they misbehave more, but because they perceive their actions as more offensive. Women tend to have a lower threshold for what requires an apology, meaning we’re saying “sorry” in situations where men wouldn’t think twice.
And it’s not just about politeness. Many of us were raised to be accommodating, to keep the peace, and to avoid making others uncomfortable. Over time, this conditioning turns “sorry” into a reflex—one that can make us seem hesitant, unsure, or even less confident than we really are.
When ‘Sorry’ is Unnecessary (And What to Say Instead)
Of course, apologies have their place. If you’ve hurt someone or made a mistake, a sincere “I’m sorry” is essential. But many of the “sorrys” we throw around are unnecessary, and they subtly diminish our presence.
Here are a few common scenarios where you might be over-apologizing—and how to reframe your words:
❌ “Sorry, can you repeat that?”
✅ “I didn’t catch that—could you repeat it?”
❌ “Sorry, but I don’t agree.”
✅ “I see it differently.”
❌ “Sorry for taking up so much of your time.”
✅ “I appreciate your time.”
❌ “Sorry I’m late.”
✅ “Thank you for waiting.”
Notice the difference? These small tweaks remove unnecessary apologies while still keeping your communication warm and respectful.
Breaking the Habit: A Simple Challenge
The first step to changing any habit is awareness. Over the next 24 hours, pay attention to how often you say “sorry.” If you catch yourself about to say it unnecessarily, pause. Could you rephrase your statement in a more confident way?
If replacing “sorry” feels awkward at first, that’s okay! Change takes time. But the more you practice, the more natural it will feel—and the more you’ll notice a shift in how others respond to you.
Midlife is Your Time to Stand Tall
You’ve spent decades gaining wisdom, experience, and confidence. Now is not the time to shrink yourself with unnecessary apologies. Start noticing your words, make small shifts, and see how powerful it feels to take up space—without saying “sorry” for it.
Want to keep this discussion going? Listen to episode 10 of Mind Your Midlife Podcast: Should You Stop Saying Sorry and Thanks?